Woes of Guilt
by ditzymagic
Summary: His magic clawed inside him, desperate to get out and wreak havoc. He wanted to unleash his anger and frustration. He wanted to sob and curse everyone. But a large part of him just wanted to die.


**A/N:**

**Written for the International Wizarding School Championship.**

**School and Year: Durmstrang, Year 3**

**Theme: Veritaserum**

**Prompts: ****Sirius Black [Main], Tragedy, Dungeon**

**Word Count: 1975**

* * *

**Woes of Guilt**

**1st November 1981**

"Do you deny it?"

Sirius Black's grey eyes flashed but he refused to speak. He kept staring at the inhabitants of the room, his bloodshot eyes emotionless.

"Oh, sod it, Albus!" Alastor Moody barked, "Let me have a go at him!"

Albus Dumbledore merely shook his head and sighed. Moody growled and sat down again.

Sirius started struggling in his bonds again, desperate to get out of the magical ropes. A need grew inside him, a need to be anywhere else _but_ here, locked in a dingy room that smelled an awful lot like the dungeons at Hogwarts. Come to think of it, Sirius did not even know exactly where they were. He had been raging and shouting when they had brought him here. The past couple of hours were vague in his mind.

Dumbledore's blue eyes, not twinkling anymore, sharpened at his efforts.

"You know you cannot get out of them, my boy."

Sirius glared at his former Headmaster's words, redoubling his efforts. His magic clawed inside him, desperate to get out and wreak havoc. He wanted to unleash his anger and frustration. He wanted to sob and curse everyone.

But a large part of him just wanted to _die_.

His best friend, his brother in all but blood was dead. James Potter was gone. Sirius did not care what they did or said. They had stopped him from seeking his revenge against the rat.

If he could, he would avenge his brother's death in the cruelest way possible.

If he could, he would kill everyone who stopped him from killing Peter Pettigrew.

Damn that rat to hell and back.

And damn anyone who got in his way.

"Did you do it? Did you sell Lily and James to You-Know-Who?" Dumbledore demanded imperiously.

Sirius stilled at the words.

He gasped for air.

A small bead of sweat ran down his forehead even as he felt the unpleasant draft that permeated the dungeon. He looked at Dumbledore, shame, and guilt eating up at him. It was so hard to know the truth, not when the whispers in his mind had already branded him a traitor.

_Did you do it? _

_Did you sell Lily and James to You-Know-Who?_

_Do you deny it?_

The same questions over and over again.

Did he?

Did he?

_Did he?_

"I might as well have," he whispered brokenly.

Moody started swearing as he got up and turned his wand on Sirius.

Just as Moody was about to curse Sirius, Dumbledore held up his hand.

"What do you mean by that?" Dumbledore asked sharply. "You _might_ as well have?"

But Sirius was beyond comprehension. A sob tore at his throat and he started shaking.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. NO!"

Dumbledore stared helplessly at Sirius, watching the infamous Black madness take over him. Sirius had always been the sanest of all the Blacks, the black sheep so to speak. He had been a Gryffindor. He had been a rebel. But most of all, he had been loyal.

But the overwhelming evidence against him told them otherwise. Albus had cast the Fidelius Charm himself, making Sirius the Secret-Keeper.

Albus pondered over the accusations.

_Was is it true then? Had Sirius always been an agent of Voldemort? Had he always meant to betray his friends? _

However, somewhere in his mind, Albus was doubtful. No one could fake the bond that had been present between James Potter and Sirius Black. It was simply impossible.

Albus watched as Sirius turned hysterical. Moody growled about how useless it was to interrogate the lunatic now.

Albus almost smiled. Sirius had been the best of Alastor's Auror recruits. Alastor barely praised anyone but there had been grudging respect between the two. Alastor had trained Sirius himself and Albus wondered who Alastor was more disappointed at.

Sirius stopped shouting and his body shook as he tried to control his rage.

This was not the first time Albus had seen what guilt did to a man. He saw it every time he stood in front of a mirror.

_Ariana, _his mind whispered and Albus looked at Sirius in a different light.

If Sirius had truly always been a Death Eater, he would not have felt any guilt.

But if Tom Riddle had somehow turned Sirius, his betrayal was painful but very much real.

Albus pondered over the ways he could find the truth when the door burst open and Severus Snape stormed in.

In most ways, Severus looked just as desperate and angry as Sirius.

But in some ways, Severus looked even more heartbroken and desolate than Sirius.

"You Death-Eater snake!" Moody hissed, turning his wand towards the door, a curse ready on his lips.

"Alastor," Albus said firmly and shook his head.

Alastor stared incredulously at him, putting two and two together.

"Sod it all! Damn you and your secrets, Albus!" Alastor growled viciously and he limped towards the corner of the room.

Albus turned towards Severus, wondering how the boy had even known they had been _hiding _Sirius in the dungeons of Hogwarts.

But Severus only had eyes for Sirius. He advanced quickly towards the chair Sirius was tied to and stood still, his black rage potent and heavy in the air.

Sirius turned his head up to look at the figure through bleary eyes.

Before Albus could intervene, Severus raised a fist and clocked Sirius in the jaw. When Sirius did not react, Severus raised his fist to punch him again.

There was a sickening crunch and Albus used his wand to create a barrier between the two.

Severus spun around, his eyes red and enraged.

Before he could even speak, Albus raised his voice-

"Enough!"

Severus gave him a dark look, clenching his fists. He panted, looking as if he had run miles.

"I am not entirely sure Sirius is guilty of what everyone else is accusing him of," Albus stated firmly.

Alastor snorted in the background.

Albus looked at Sirius who was bleeding from his nose. Ignoring Severus's unimpressed look, he cast a spell to heal Sirius.

After several long minutes of glaring, an agitated Severus turned to Albus again.

"Why?" Severus asked in a clipped tone.

When Albus shared his reservations, Severus scowled at the limp form of Sirius, who had passed out.

"You must think rationally, Severus. We are not to condemn an innocent man until we _know_ he is guilty."

"By all accounts, he seems incredibly guilty to me." Severus bit back. His gaze stayed upon the unconscious figure.

"I understand the history between you two. Sirius was not the best person–"

"You understand nothing," Severus cut in. "He was a swine, just like his best friend."

"You are allowing your blind hatred for him to cloud your judgment, Severus."

"And you are allowing your blind loyalty to cloud your judgment. You and your _precious_ Gryffindors. Would the same treatment be given to a Slytherin in that chair? Would you give him the benefit of doubt?"

Albus had noted the rage and sorrow before. Even with all his attempts to hide it, Severus had not yet mastered the ability to hide the heartbreak that was clearly written on his face.

Albus remembered the way Severus had begged him to make sure Lily was safe. He would have traded his own life for her, a desperate measure to overcome the repentance that had come too late and to seek forgiveness that would never come after last night.

_The woes and stories of broken and guilty men. _

For once, perhaps for the first time, Albus forgot about the Greater Good.

He forgot about the niggling thought that perhaps Tom was not quite gone yet.

"Sirius Black is not guilty unless he confesses his treachery," Albus declared.

Severus stared at him with a gleam in his eyes, convinced that the heir of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was indeed guilty.

"Very well, I will fetch some Veritaserum."

With that, Severus turned and left, his billowing robes trailing behind him.

"You know what you are doing, Albus?" Alastor asked, his voice gravelly.

But he shook his head.

"No. Sirius appears to be guilty and his behavior is not helping his case. If You-Know-Who has gone, his Death Eaters will not be far behind. Crouch will start rounding them up and throwing them into Azkaban. When Sirius is found, they might kill him for his supposed betrayal. I will not let that happen."

"Innocent until proven guilty?"

Albus did not reply. He pondered over the truth of Severus's words. Would he have given anyone else a chance to prove themselves of their innocence? If he had not come across Sirius crying over James Potter's body in Godric's Hollow, he would not have pursued the truth in this manner. If Sirius Black had been somewhere else, Albus would have been almost convinced of his betrayal.

He was unsure why he had not felt the wards of the Potter House in Godric's Hollow fall last evening when Tom had breached the house. By the time he had gotten there, the house had been in shambles. He had heard the distressing cries of Sirius Black and young Harry Potter. He had summoned Minerva to take care of the newly orphaned child and only when she had apparated away had he noticed the figure of Sirius Black.

When Sirius had stood up in a rage, Albus had immediately disarmed him and whisked him away to Hogwarts and sent a _Patronus_ to Alastor. Considering the significant breach in the Order, Albus had stayed away from the safe houses and brought Sirius where Albus felt he had the most control – Hogwarts. He had chosen the lower dungeons, which were unused, to make sure they were away from most of the student population, even the Slytherins.

At first, Sirius had only yelled about a rat but soon, he had clamped up, refusing to talk for hours.

Albus Dumbledore did not believe in his innocence, but he did not believe in his guilt either.

Severus returned soon and shoved the potion down Sirius's throat after waking him up.

Sirius tried to fight the potion, but it took hold of his mind soon and Sirius was compliant.

Both Alastor and Severus growled at the initial verification questions Albus asked.

"Are you guilty of the murders of Lily and James Potter?" Albus asked finally.

"Yes," Sirius answered monotonously.

Albus stilled.

_How could he have been so wrong about Sirius?_

Albus silenced Moody and Severus before they started shouting.

"How are you guilty of what happened to Lily and James Potter?" he asked Sirius instead.

"It was…my idea. My idea to switch the Secret-Keeper for the Fidelius. We did it right after you performed the spell. I thought it was…bloody brilliant. Snake-face would have gone after me and no one would have suspected _him._ I should have known. I should have killed the rat! He sold us out! He betrayed his best friends!"

"Who did?" Albus asked, a sharp relief going through him.

"The rat!"

"Who was the mole, Sirius? Who was the Secret-Keeper?"

"Peter Pettigrew!" Sirius spat out.

The dungeon room grew colder as realization struck them. The idea that someone like Peter was capable of such a terrible deed was nauseating. Peter Pettigrew, the shy and unassuming boy. Peter Pettigrew, capable of murder?

"It's my fault. It's my fault." Sirius kept repeating as the potion wore off.

Dumbledore, Moody, and Snape stood before Sirius as the last effects of the potion vanished and he gained an acute clarity.

Anguish, fury, and misery hit him hard as he met the stunned faces of the trio.

"Do you know where he is?" Snape demanded in his nasally voice.

"No," Sirius answered, his voice hoarse.

He cleared his throat and looked at them with a steely gaze.

"But I can find him."

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_-fin-_


End file.
